NOTES ON FAMILY
“Families come in many shapes and forms”
has become a cliché
these days.
But for me it has been true for over 40
years.
1.
I order a
Fuji apple chicken salad and a glass of water.
The cashier says “your suggested donation is…” I look at her. “What does that mean?” She explains that this is a Panera Cares
establishment – one of four in the entire country – where you pay what you can
afford. If you don’t have money, you eat
for free. If you can pay more, you help
someone else eat. There is a glass box
in front of the cash register where customers drop the money. My salad is $7.67. I drop a ten dollar
bill. She thanks me and moves on to the
next customer. I sit by the wall and
look around at the clientele, admiring the spirit of this place. One of the managers walks around asking
customers how they’re doing, is
everything ok? She seems to know
many of them by name and they know her.
Some even hug her. I am waiting
for my friend Claire. We’re going to see
a movie later.
The next
day, Saturday January 5th, Claire and our group go to Sonia’s parents’
house to celebrate Sonia’s name day. We
take roasted chicken, eggplant parmigiana,
desserts, folding chairs, a card table. There are 20 of us including her
brother and his family. We sit around
the tables and talk, we eat and drink wine, we toast to Sonia. A name day is similar to a birthday party but
more important in the Greek culture.
This would not merit much attention except for the fact that she is no
longer with us. She left us on September
13. Yet we come to her parents’ house to
celebrate her life. Why do we do this? Who
do we do it for? Mostly her mother but
is it for us too? For her? We are an unusual bunch. Some of us have been close friends for over 40 years; others came later, but we are a family, by choice, and I, for one, depend on them.
2.
Sonia and I
often met at the Panera on Clybourn Avenue for lunch.
She introduced me to the Fuji apple chicken salad and the black bean
soup. We’d sit for a few hours and talk
about everything. It was one of her
favorite places. Once, in February 2011,
we were there with another friend – Maria - when the famous blizzard came. We met for lunch on a Tuesday and watched the
weather change dramatically over a few hours.
The wind took off to astronomical speeds. Snow started to fall and then to blow
everywhere. We watched pedestrians
struggle to walk through the parking lot, to cross the street, their bags
flapping wildly. We laughed, oohed and
aahed. Eventually it was time for us to
leave. It was close to 4 o’clock and the
weather forecast predicted the worse to come after four. Sonia’s car was parked right outside but it
took an Herculean effort to walk those few steps and get into the car.
In her parents’ living-room there is a picture
from 1982. Sonia, Myra, Betty, and I are
sitting on a stone, one of the ruins at Ancient Olympia, Greece. We wear sundresses and squint to the
camera. Is it June? July? I found that photo several years ago in my
photo box and made copies for the four of us. Now, we all have that photo in
our homes. Mine is in the dining-room,
next to the telephone, in a corner. I
see it every day, all the time. It has
become a tradition to take similar photos in other places, at other times.
After lunch
it is time to cut the basilopita, the St. Basil cake traditionally served on
New Year’s Day in Greece. Tradition has
it that a coin is hidden inside and whoever gets the piece with the coin will
have good fortune that year. The cake is
not very big but Myra manages to cut 21 pieces out of it – one for the house
and 20 for the rest of us. Amy gets the
coin.
(TO BE CONTINUED)