Wednesday, January 6, 2016

INVENTORY OF MY BODY at this point in my life

Image result for toenails                 Image result for knees


Red toenails.

Damaged right big toenail from bumping toe on a step in Hydra in 1982: went black, fell out, new nail grew fungus and thick; had to go to Dr. Scholl every 6 months to clean and sand down; then used a fungoid tincture every day for a year and now it’s almost as good as new.

Bunion on left foot.

Right leg has a scar on the side from surgery for polio and another one on the knee from the cast.

Left knee has a torn ACL, so I need to wear a big-ass brace when I play tennis to prevent knee from collapsing.

Left leg has a scar from falling down the stairs at the Foster train stop in Evanston sometime in the late aughts: wound got infected; had to take antibiotics which ruined my colon with c.diff.

Lower back had a herniated disk in 2000: took steroids, did physical therapy; now it hurts when lifting heavy objects.

Stomach.

Chest.

Breasts.

Neck.

Arms.

Hands.

Blue fingernails.

Head has suffered migraines for many, many years. Now it has a very small aneurysm somewhere.

Thick lips.

Big brown eyes.

Thick eyebrows.

Teeth are pretty good now after half a life going to the dentist for repairs, root canals, gingivitis.


Sunday, January 3, 2016

MEN ARE LIKE BREAD - PART I: "I remember"


I remember my first kiss.  We were standing in the tiny lobby of my building while my parents were upstairs waiting, fretting, ready to call the police, because it was past midnight.

I remember losing my virginity in a car and thinking it was a cliché.

I remember thinking that if I found the right man I’d be happy. I thought many other things too.  Many times I wasn’t thinking.  My therapist said “sex is the currency of love.”  I used to like to count them, trying to remember their names.  But I couldn’t always remember them all.  I still can’t.


I couldn’t help myself: I had a weakness for men who shared my political ideologies. I was after all a “red diaper baby.”  As such, I was inexorably attracted to Marxists, communists, Stalinists, leftists, whatever you want to call them. They however did not always make for the best partners, lovers, boyfriends, whatever you want to call them. 


I met the first one at the university where I was studying and working. I was married by then. S. was a professor of sociology and Latin American Studies. Short, with an Afro hairdo.

My first affair took me by surprise. I didn’t expect to be “that” woman, the wife who cheats. I didn’t think that way about myself but I was bored. Life at the university proved too exciting for a young woman who missed the intellectual excitement a professor can offer.

I felt at home for the first time since arriving in Chicago eight years before. The stimuli danced around me day in and day out.  We talked politics, music, social issues, we laughed, and all or much of it in Spanish.

After the first one, it gets easier.  The second one was younger, a classmate in Introduction to Marxism class, Jamaican, tall and golden.  P. had a twin brother, both track and field athletes for the university. They lived with four other Jamaican runners in an apartment provided by the school.  We’d spend the afternoons together in his small room after class.  After, I’d take him out to dinner and introduce him to different restaurants.  When P. tired of me, we broke up. And I met R.

The Wild Hare Reggae Club + one very cold night in early January, 1981 + Sonia’s friend Phyllis = meeting B.  It was a weeknight.  The place was virtually empty.  We danced for a long time.  He liked my long black hair. He took my phone number and I went home.

I didn’t know at the time that he was there to meet Phyllis’s friend, not me.  I’m sorry.  I was just being myself. 

The Campbells were unusual. At least to me. First of all there were a lot of them: three sisters and four brothers plus one more sister who had died of sickle cell anemia before I ever met them. 

I found myself in the middle of this black family from Evanston. It changed my life. 

B. had been a Jehovah’s Witness but had been kicked out for having an affair with an older woman when he was seventeen.  Now he was just a Christian as he told me when we met.  He had a difficult time accepting my atheism.  He tried to talk me into believing in a Christian God. He tried to change me.  Not the first man to try that, nor the last.

“I like my bread like I like my men,” I told Valerie at the school cafeteria after I ordered a tuna salad sandwich on whole wheat.  She asked me about my live-in boyfriend.  I told her about B.  And as I explained who he was, as I described him and what he did for a living, I saw her face change colors and expressions. 

“I know him,” she said.  “My roommate’s been seeing him for a while. He’s been spending evenings at our place.”

My heart skipped a beat first, then pounded fast and furious. 

That explained his unexplained absences, his coming home late every other day, his weekend away “to find himself.” 

That was how I learned that B. had been cheating on me for six months with this woman who used to be a nun. 


Tuesday, December 15, 2015

December in Athens

I really think there is such a thing as global warming or climate change or whatever you want to call it. The temperature in Athens is lower than in Chicago. Go figure...The first few days it rained, skies were grey, a chilled breeze blew. A couple of days ago the sun came out. All is well.

Lunch is sacred here. And late. Every day I go to my mom's for lunch. But we eat a little earlier than they would normally eat. I can't wait til 2 or 2:30. After, she naps.

So far I've seen a short play, a movie, and spent some time at a cafe where my cousin djs. The rest of the time has been spent either at my mom's watching tv or at my cousin's where I sleep. Her apartment is delightful: brightly colored, cheerfully decorated, cozy. I'm so glad I decided to stay at her place.

Athens is shiny and luminous with Christmas decorations. Such a difference from the summer look!


Sunday, November 22, 2015

ANIMALS! ANIMALS! ANIMALS!


A shrewdness of apes
A pace of asses
A colony of bats
A sloth of bears
An obstinacy of buffalo
A pounce of cats
A gang of elk
A business of ferrets
A tower of giraffes
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A leap of leopards
A prickle of porcupines
A streak of tigers
A stand of flamingos
A deceit of lapwings
A parliament of owls
An ostentation of peacocks
A mustering of storks
An army of frogs
An intrusion of cockroaches
A smack of jellyfish
A cete of badgers
A romp of otters
A wisp of snipe
A cackle of hyenas
A pride of lions
A troop of monkeys
A crash of rhinoceroses
A wake of buzzards
A chain of bobolinks
A cover of coots                                               Image result for COOTS
A convocation of eagles
A charm of finches
An exaltation of larks
A murmuration of starlings

Tuesday, September 29, 2015

WE DON'T NEED YOU ANYMORE!


1. In plant-eating vertebrates, the appendix is much larger than in humans. Its main function is to help digest a largely herbivorous diet. The human appendix is a small pouch attached to the large intestine where it joins the small intestine and does not directly assist digestion. Interestingly, it has been noted by paleontologist Alfred Sherwood Romer in his text “The Vertebrate Body (1949)” that the major importance of the appendix “would appear to be financial support of the surgical profession,” referring to, of course, the large number of appendectomies performed annually. In 2000, in fact, there were nearly 300,000 appendectomies performed in the United States, and 371 deaths from appendicitis. Any secondary function that the appendix might perform certainly is not missed in those who had it removed before it might have ruptured.

2.  The subject of the male nipple is a sensitive, and maybe confusing, topic to many. Those who wish to invalidate evolutionary theory might pose the question, “Was man descended from woman?”  Both men and women have nipples because in early stages of fetal development, an unborn child is effectively sexless. Nipples are present in both males and females; it is only in a later stage of fetal development that testosterone causes sex differentiation in a fetus. All mammals, male and female, have mammary glands. Male nipples are vestigial; they may perform a small role in sexual stimulation and a small number of men have been able to lactate.

3.  With all of the pain, time, and money that are put into dealing with wisdom teeth, humans have become just a little more than tired of these remnants from their large jawed ancestors. But regardless of how much they are despised, the wisdom teeth remain, and force their way into mouths regardless of the pain inflicted. There are two possible reasons why the wisdom teeth have become vestigial. The first is that the human jaw has become smaller than its ancestors – and the wisdom teeth are trying to grow into a jaw that is much too small. The second reason may have to do with dental hygiene. A few thousand years ago, it might be common for an 18 year old man to have lost several, probably most, of his teeth, and the incoming wisdom teeth would prove useful. Now that humans brush their teeth twice a day, it’s possible to keep one’s teeth for a lifetime. The drawback is that the wisdom teeth still want to come in, and when they do, they usually need to be extracted to prevent serious pain.  On the bright side, I never got my wisdom teeth and, therefore, avoided pain and expense.  On the darker side, does that mean I have no wisdom?
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4. The fused vertebrae are the only vestiges that are left of the tail that other mammals still use for balance, communication, and in some primates, as a prehensile limb. As our ancestors were learning to walk upright, their tail became useless, and it slowly disappeared. It has been suggested that the coccyx helps to anchor minor muscles and may support pelvic organs. There have been documented cases of infants born with tails, an extended version of the tailbone that is composed of extra vertebrae.  In those cases, the tailbone has been surgically removed with little or no adverse effects.  Nevertheless, there are no adverse health effects of such a tail, unless perhaps the child was born in the Dark Ages. In that case, the child and the mother, would’ve been considered witches and killed instantly.
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5. The erector pili are smooth muscle fibers that give humans “goose bumps”. If the erector pili are activated, the hairs that come out of the nearby follicles stand up and give an animal a larger appearance that might scare off potential enemies and a coat that is thicker and warmer. Humans, though, don’t have thick furs like their ancestors did, and our strategy for several thousand years has been to take the fur off other warm looking animals to stay warm. It’s ironic actually that an animal, sensing danger is near, would puff up its coat to look scarier, but the human hunter would see the puffier coat as a warm prize, leaving the thinner haired weaker looking animals alone. Of course, some body hair is helpful to humans; eyebrows can keep sweat out of the eyes and facial hair might influence a woman’s choice of sexual partner. All the rest of that hair, though, is essentially useless.  Unless you count all the money spent on depilation, waxing, shaving, lasers, and other methods. 

6. Your sinuses are basically pockets of air that reside inside your face. The biological role of sinuses is often a topic of heated debate, but there is little-to-no-consensus on their actual purpose. One thing everyone can agree on is that there is nothing worse than a sinus headache, except when your sinuses get infected.

7. The human ear has all kinds of strange things going on with it. For one thing, there’s an entire group of muscles attached to our ears that, for most monkeys, are used to move the ears like satellite dishes trying to pick up a signal. For us, however, they just sit there – not moving anything – suggesting that they’ve lost their biological function. Except, of course, for those who can wiggle their ears, in which case, they serve the purpose of making you look like a fool. It’s worth pointing out that chimps, like us, also have these underdeveloped muscles and therefore lack the capacity for ear-movement, as well.  Furthermore, in about 10% of the population, the outer rim of the ear called the helix has been known to show signs of vestigial features. In the ear a thickening of the helix called “Darwin’s tubercle” occurs at the juncture of the upper and middle thirds of the ear – a feature common to many mammals.

8. Your plica semilunaris – what many believe to be a vestigial remnant of your third freaking eyelid – is the small fold of tissue located on the inside corner of your eye (not the little bump in the very innermost corner but the small flap next to it). Your plica semilunaris  are the vestigial remnants of what are referred to as “nictitating membranes”, which are most commonly found in birds, reptiles, and amphibians. In a masked lapwing the membrane is typically translucent, and serves to moisten the eye, clear debris, and help stare down weeping angels. Humans, sadly, are not equipped with these functioning third eyelids, but don’t let that stop you from standing in front of a mirror and willing yourself to make them move.
                               

9. Tonsils are one of the most removed parts of the human body. Tonsils are nothing but a collection of the lymphoid tissues present on each side at the end of the throat. Though they are vestigial, they still perform a simple function of fighting against the preliminary infection in the throat and the bacterial fighting effect in the sinusoids causes it to swell.  Doctors mostly recommend surgery for the removal of the tonsils to avoid further throat infection. However, removal of tonsils can be dangerous at times and cause vocal problems to people.  On the bright side, when your tonsils are taken out, you can eat all the ice-cream you want.  That’s something.


10. The fifth toe in the leg has nothing to do other than getting people injured. The fifth toe was used for hanging on trees and swinging around the branches in the primitive primates. This body part was bigger than what it is now and the reduction of its size is what makes it obsolete. Also, as we humans walk on our foot, the fifth toe now has nothing to do with this part for balancing or mobility in any way.  
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Wednesday, September 16, 2015

From Journal to Memoir: Some tips to get you started

Most of the basic material a writer works with is acquired before the age of fifteen.

                                                                                                                                            Willa Cather


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1. Start writing about where you are in your life at this moment.

2. Start writing in a stream-of-consciousness mode.

3.  Keep a nature diary to connect with the natural world.

4.  Start a journal of self-portraits.

5.  If there is something you are struggling with or something that disturbs you, write about it in the third person.

6.  Don’t censor yourself.  No one will read your journal.

                                            Image result for journals

FROM JOURNAL TO MEMOIR class starts Monday September 21st
6:30 to 8:30 every other Monday - six sessions
Fee: $300.00
Convenient Lincoln Park location
REGISTER NOW!



Tuesday, August 11, 2015

FROM JOURNAL TO MEMOIR



“When you write, you lay out a line of words…soon you find yourself deep in new territory.”

Annie Dillard, The Writing Life

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     Journaling is one of the best - if not the best - method to start writing. It works for all genres - fiction, memoir, poetry, drama. You need a place to spill your thoughts, ideas, feelings, emotions, in order to see them clearly and put them to use in your creations. How to start if you've never done it before? Here are some tips to get you started:

1. Start writing in a stream-of-consciousness mode. Don't stop, don't edit, don't censor. Just keep pen to paper. 

2. Start writing about where you are in your life at this moment. Spend ten minutes just writing. 

3.  Keep a nature diary to connect with the natural world. Describe what you see outside your window. Take a walk in a park or the beach and write using only descriptive words. No adjectives. Just verbs and nouns.

4.  Start a journal of self-portraits. You are many things at once and different things at different moments. Your morning self. Your friendly self. Your angry self. And so on.

5.  If there is something you are struggling with or something that disturbs you,
     write about it in the third person.


6.  Don’t censor yourself.  No one will read your journal.

Register now for FROM JOURNAL TO MEMOIR
Starts September 21st - every other Monday - six sessions
From 6:30 to 8:30 pm - $300.00
Lincoln Park location: plenty of free parking and CTA accessible by Brown and Red lines
Send an email to bgartler@yahoo.com

                              Image result for journaling